Find Your Soul Mate - Section 2 — Full webinar with Michael Adamedes

0:20Welcome to the second lesson in the finding your soulmate series. And in this lesson, I'm going to cover four different areas. First one is thought versus belief. The difference between thoughts and emotions and why that's important.

0:40Stepping out of comfort zone and being able to do things, take some action and commitment and risk. So the first thing is the distinction between a thought and a belief. So what is a thought? Think about it.

0:57What's the thought? A thought is an idea. It's a part of the thinking process. It's a concept. It's come into your mind. It can just as easily go out of your mind.

1:18And so a thought is one thing and a belief is something else. A belief is an idea within emotion. And our thoughts and beliefs the same. No. People will say,

1:38a thought is something I can just think and it comes and it goes. And a belief is something that I think is real. And the thing that makes a belief real is the emotional component. So I can think something but that doesn't mean I believe something.

1:55And until I believe it, that's when things change. It's beliefs that will move mountains. It's beliefs that create your reality and bring into your life the desired partner. It's the belief.

2:13And so how do we move something from a thought and idea to a belief? And you can be filling this in your notes. It's all in. Listen to page two.

2:29And an example from my life is that I'm on occasion I went to learn how to present and to be a presenter. And when I went to the course I was told, two things to think of.

2:49Firstly, believing yourself and connect to the audience. And so as far as believing in myself, I thought, I am a good presenter. And I can do this.

3:05And I would think, I love them. They love me. I'm connecting to the audience. And even though I had the thought, I didn't actually believe it.

3:16I didn't have the emotion. And so here I was standing in front of them, talking to them and thinking, yes, I am good at this and yes, I feel. But I didn't feel it.

3:27And it was a process of repetition. I just needed to get up, stand out there and do it again. And do it again and do it again. And in the process of doing it several times, something went click.

3:39And I felt okay, I felt comfortable. Then I got to understand, do you know what? I am a good presenter. This is okay.

3:50I can do this. But it was a repetition and it required me to feel it. So the key component in beliefs is the feeling. So the feeling is the thing that makes the difference.

4:09And so I need to feel it. I can think it and then I feel it. And so I can fake it. I can think it because I desire it.

4:18I want this thing to happen. I want this to go on. And then I, but I don't feel it. And I don't believe it.

4:26That's where I sometimes need to roleplay it. I need to pretend until I have it. The feeling is the key. If I can feel this person coming into my life,

4:39if I can feel that I have it, I have a stronger ability to magnetize this person to me than if I think it. And I desire it mentally. I've got to feel it.

4:51I've got to feel it by thinking or by feeling that this person already exists in my life. The other thing here is the difference between thoughts and emotions.

5:06And I have this triangle up there. And it's a mathematical symbol. And it means change. So it's really saying, how long does it take to change a thought?

5:18And how long does it take to change an emotion? And when you think about changing a thought, well, how long? I can't do it. I can do it.

5:32Now, I can change a thought. Doesn't mean I believe it, but I can change it. So the change of thought could be less than one second. That's another mathematical symbol.

5:42It's that V on it. Side means less than. So it's less than one second. So in less than one second, I can go from,

5:50I can't do it to, I can do it. It's just a choice I make. Now, because I've changed it to, I can do it. It doesn't mean I believe it.

6:01And it doesn't mean I feel any better. But I can change it. The second thing is how long does it take to change an emotion? Well, it depends on the emotion.

6:14On my occasion, I had a woman come to visit me who 13 years earlier, her two-year-old toddler, a son, had drowned in the family pool. And this was at the time before it was regulatory

6:31to play support fence around the family pool. And she was at home. She had just turned away to look at something on the stove. He had stepped out, walked out into the garden,

6:43and slipped into the pool. He was only gone for five minutes. She didn't hear a thing. And then she just went, where is he?

6:52Looked around, couldn't find him, went down to the pool. And he was lying face down on the surface of the pool there on top of the water. And called the ambulance, the ambulance came really quickly.

7:06They tried to resuscitate him. But he had died. And the consequences of her grief, her blame, she couldn't get over this.

7:18He just went into depression. And eventually, a husband couldn't stand at him. Well, they went on for about two years after that. And then they broke up.

7:26And here she is, 13 years after the event, her sister recommended she come to see me. And I was counseling her. And I'm thinking, why can't this woman get over her grief?

7:41And sure, one year, two years, the death of a child, that's really terrible. And of course, to be in grief. 13 years later, no, there's something else going on.

7:53And in the process of working her back, I did a process called dysfunctional pattern clearing, we went back to an incident when she was four years of age. And she had gotten into her mother's bedroom.

8:10And she was playing with her mother's makeup. And she'd put all this makeup on. And she'd painted herself. And her mother came in, and her mother was furious with her,

8:20and said, what are you doing? You're a bad child. This is wrong. You shouldn't be doing this.

8:27And she felt that she was bad. She felt that she was wrong. And her mother had a whole lot of issues around being bad and guilty and not OK.

8:37And that in turn had come from her mother, this woman's grandmother. And here she is carrying this belief that she's a bad person and that she's at fault. And so when the child died, the two things that she

8:57hadn't even fully thought was she couldn't forgive herself. And also, she couldn't forgive her mother. And in identifying that, we were able to recognize, I can forgive your mum.

9:12Mum had her issues, what she did wasn't OK. But there was no real negative intent. Mum was just reacting. And this thing that occurred with the drowning of her son

9:25is terrible as tragic as it was. It was one of those life experiences. And she needed to forgive herself. And once she was able to forgive her mother,

9:38the next step was in forgiving herself, which she did. And it was basically we were there talking for about an hour and a half. And by the time she had finished the session,

9:50this huge amount of grief had released. And the major part of her inability to release it was the inability to forgive herself. And so this emotion went for 13 years.

10:07There could be another sort of emotion. I'm driving my car. Someone cuts in front of me. I'm annoyed.

10:14It was quite dangerous. It could have been an accident. And I think you stupid. And if I want to keep thinking about how stupid drivers are

10:24on the road, I could keep this rage in me going for 10 or 20 minutes. If I choose to say, look, it's one of those things that happen, let this go.

10:34Don't worry about it. He'll get it in some other way. I could be over it in a minute or two. So an emotion can take a minute or two.

10:45It could take 10 or 20 minutes. So we kind of think an emotion can be like footsteps in the sand on the beach when the tide comes in or when the wind blows their blown away.

10:59They don't last very long. Or emotions sometimes can be like etching in stone that takes a long time to release. But if you come to terms with it and you look at it, the

11:11average emotion, if you're designed to release it, you can release it in quite a short period of time. And I would say five to 10 minutes. So the emotions that you're going to be working with, the

11:23reactions that you have to other people's behavior in their conversations and circumstances around you can all be worked out in a short space of time. But we have a difference here.

11:36We have thoughts being almost instantaneous in being able to change them. But emotions for the average person can take five to 10 minutes. There's a difference.

11:48And it's the emotion that makes the difference in being able to believe something. So if I said, I can't do it. And then I want to feel it.

11:58I can do it. I may have to repeat it to myself for five to 10 minutes before a corresponding feeling arises where I think, oh, you know what?

12:09I can do it. So in order to generate a belief, I need to create a corresponding emotion. And in order to do that, I may have to hold the intent of

12:22the belief for five to 10 minutes because that's how long it may take to bring about the corresponding emotion. The more times I do it, the faster it gets. And I can develop my ability to switch myself really quickly.

12:38Kids can do that. I can think of an instance when my son was a really small child. We're having his argument of how much sugar he wanted to put

12:49in his cereal in the morning. And I said, no, you can't do it. And he's fighting me over it. We were living in the country at the time.

12:56And a cow walked into the front yard. We'd forgotten to shut the front gate. And it was eating the flowers. And I immediately said to him,

13:03Rome, look at this, look, there's a cow there. And it was like a switch was thrown. Click. And he looked up, where, where, where?

13:12Oh, it's over there. He walked over, picked up a room, and ran out the back door, chasing the cow. Two years of age, he had no fear.

13:21He was just able to push it away. So he switched it almost instantaneously. And kids don't have a whole lot of programming to. But for us, if we desire and we intend it,

13:35and we work on it, we can switch it also. And so five to 10 minutes, switching it. But why does it take this amount of time to change a thought? And this amount of time to change an emotion?

13:51So think about the way in which thoughts are constructed. The mechanism of the thought. One of the ways to think about it is that a thought is electrical.

14:04It's almost like the electrical signals running through the connections, the synapses of the brain, and up and down the spinal column and through the nervous system. And so it's more electrical in its content, in its way,

14:22it works. Whereas emotions take a lot longer. Because emotions are more chemical. And so this is one of the reasons why people drink.

14:36They drink in order to be able to change the biochemistry, to change the way they feel. And so your feelings are really linked to the biochemistry, your endocrine system.

14:52And this is why people become addicted and they drink and they eat all these things so they can feel different. And so in order to create a new belief, in order to change the way I think about things, I've got to bring about a

15:14corresponding emotion. And in fact, the emotions really are far more significant in understanding how you manifest and create things in your life than the beliefs or the thoughts rather.

15:29The thoughts become beliefs because of the emotions. And in this next section, it's talking about your identity. For instance, if I had someone coming to see me and no or experiencing symptoms of asthma, I would never call

15:48them an asthmatic. I would say here is a healthy person who, on occasion, experiences asthma. Yes, the asthma is real.

16:00Yes, they may require medication. But I would never identify them as an asthmatic, as a sick person. I would always see them as a healthy person with symptoms they

16:14need to work out, resolve, manage, whatever they have to do. This identity is significant. It's the same for you. You are always okay, regardless of what you think and feel.

16:28The affirmation I work with is I'm okay, even if I don't feel okay. And I'm okay because I choose to be okay, even if I don't feel okay.

16:42So I may not be feeling okay. I can be feeling quite depressed, but I can still say to myself, I'm okay, even if I'm depressed, I'm okay, even if I don't feel okay.

16:55This is significant. Your self talk sets up a self induced hypnotic pattern. If you think you're not going to find the right person, that person won't come into your life.

17:11I'm not good enough. I'm too fat. I'm lonely. No one will want me.

17:18You may on occasion not feel good about yourself, but always say to yourself, I am okay. I do believe in myself. These are just symptoms surfacing from my unconscious.

17:32They are past memories. They do not define me. This is not who I am. A past experience is only a problem in present time.

17:45Right now, because you think it applies to you as you are, this does not define you. This is a symptom of something from your life history. This is not who you are.

18:03You need to separate yourself from it. We call it disidentify. I've got to disidentify. And one of the most important things I need to disidentify from

18:14is my feeling state. Yes, I'm feeling good. Therefore, I am good. I'm feeling bad.

18:19Therefore, I am bad. Hang on a minute. My feelings come up and go down. But who I am is always okay.

18:27I'm always okay. I'm always okay. Even if I don't feel okay, I'm okay. Even if I don't feel okay.

18:37This is an affirmation. I'd recommend you remember and you use when you get the chance. This is a way of neutralizing yourself sabotage. You do not want to have the identity of a lonely person,

18:54of a person that no one wants to be with. You just want to think of yourself as a healthy, wonderful person. And that's it. End of story.

19:06And neutralize the negative is all we have to do. If you can promote the positive, great. But you don't need to promote the positive. You just need to neutralize the negative.

19:18And hold a sense of yourself as being okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. Regardless of my childhood.

19:27I'm okay. Even if my mom and dad didn't think they were okay. I'm okay. Even if my mom and dad sometimes didn't think I was okay.

19:36I'm okay because I've chosen to see myself as being okay. And these other things are symptoms around me. Yes, these symptoms are occurring. But these symptoms do not define me.

19:53This is significant. This is an attitude that you need to hold about yourself. But I'm all right, even if I don't feel all right. I'm okay, even if I make a mistake.

20:10I'm okay, even if I feel lost and confused. I accept myself just the way I am. This is the way you demonstrate self-love. You demonstrate self-love by neutralizing anything

20:27that's not loving that you're thinking towards yourself. It doesn't matter what other people think. It only matters what you think about yourself. And what you think is critical.

20:40So the sort of thing I would be saying is I'm no longer seeking a relationship with another person out there. I'm having that relationship with myself. I'm having the relationship with myself.

20:55I now choose to be kind, gentle, impatient with myself. This is the relationship with myself that is critical. Get the relationship with yourself right. The relationship with this external partner will manifest easily.

21:16Set the intent. Yes, you want it. Now you're feeling good about yourself. Life has this amazing way of working.

21:26And so this is significant. I'm okay, even if I don't feel okay. The next piece I want to work with is stepping out of comfort zone. Because every time you make a change in your life,

21:42it does feel uncomfortable. If it didn't feel uncomfortable, you would just usually change no problems at all. It's because of the discomfort that inhibits you

21:54from taking the next step. So it's matter of recognizing the discomfort and choosing to move forward regardless of it. And the more you recognize it, the more power you will have over it.

22:10So with stepping out of comfort zone, it's recognizing that change can be uncomfortable. And so, okay, I've got to work on it. I've got to be prepared to face a degree of discomfort.

22:23Here I am presenting online. I've been running relationships courses face to face weekend courses for more than 20 years and probably counseling couples and individuals

22:35in relationships for more than 40 years. Now, face to face is easy. It's been, for me, a major step forward in facing my own sense of discomfort to be able to stand here

22:51and present without the feedback of an audience. But slowly, slowly, it works. It's okay. You just keep moving with it.

23:01You keep moving with it. You keep improving. You keep learning. It's the same.

23:05Being a little bit uncomfortable is something you just have to at times deal with. The second thing is personal inhibitions and anxieties can be sold destroying if not dealt with.

23:19So the example is a wall. You can look at a wall and see that as an obstruction, something that holds you in and stops you. Or you can look at that same wall and step up on top of it

23:31and say, wow, it's giving me a perspective, a greater perspective. I can see further. And the process in me needing to climb that wall

23:42to get to the top of that wall has changed something in me. It's empowered me. So if I take these inhibitions and anxieties and don't see them as defining me, this is who I am,

23:56but rather symptoms of something that are unresolved from my childhood. And then systematically piece by piece begin to face these anxieties.

24:09All of these anxieties will dissolve because they are primarily a conditioned response sitting in the unconscious of your psyche. If you keep facing those conditioned responses, those conditioned responses will dissolve away and disappear.

24:32There are numerous ways to deal with these programming things. A simple way is sensory desensitization. It's a psychological term, which means you just keep facing the thing that's uncomfortable.

24:48And eventually it stops being uncomfortable. An example of that is when they train police horses. Now, a police horse has to be very, very stable. And it's in a crowd.

25:01People are shouting. Lots of things are going on. And this horse can't be rearing up and kicking people or throwing its rider.

25:10It has to be solid. So a horse is a prey animal. It's like a deer or a cow. It's been conditioned over many, many generations

25:21to run in the sight of danger. So all its instincts are to run. And now it's been asked to, in this very, very, very confusing, noisy and possibly violent situation, stay calm.

25:35So they may spend six or 12 months training this horse. And they will have a hesshen bag and a flap it around its flanks and under its neck and around its face. And initially the horse rears up.

25:47But gradually, over time, it learns to stay calm. And then all this can go on and it doesn't bother it anymore. It's been deconditioned. So you need to consciously decondition yourself

26:03from your own anxieties and inhibitions. If you so choose, well, this is going to be with respect to meeting people, connecting to people and believing in yourself. Yes, the last piece is just do it.

26:21Just keep doing it. It's often easier than you think. Don't think about it too much. We overthink these things.

26:30The next piece is this thing on commitment. And it's printed up in your notes. And I'll read it from your notes. And if you have your notes handy, which I hope you do,

26:44you can read along with me. And it's saying, until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back always ineffectiveness, concerning all acts of initiation,

27:00and creation. There is one elemental truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans, that the moment one definitely commits oneself,

27:15then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would otherwise have never occurred. A whole stream of events, issues from the decision,

27:28raising in one's favor, all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. W. H. Murray, he was part of the Scottish Himalayan

27:47expedition. They climbed up Mount Everest. And he made the commitment. This is what I was going to do.

27:57And then progressed in that direction, had some idea and gradually it worked. The purpose is, the commitment I want you to make is to yourself.

28:07And to commit to yourself and say this, I will repeat it first. And then repeat it second and invite you to follow me, is I am now attracting into my life the right person for me.

28:24So I want you to declare this. I want you to make a commitment to yourself that you're pursuing this. So repeat after me.

28:34I am now attracting into my life the right person for me. And take a deep breath. That's your commitment. Let's stay open to it.

28:57The second piece is about risk. And this, I'll read also. It's like you've got to, again, step out of comfort zone, take a chance, do things.

29:10The risk I'm asking you to do is to nurture and believe in yourself. And so it says, to laugh is to risk appearing the fool. To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

29:27To reach out for another is to risk involvement. To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self. To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.

29:46To love is to risk not being loved in return. To live is to risk dying. To hope is to risk failure. But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard

30:04in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing does nothing has nothing and is nothing. The person they may avoid suffering and sorrow,

30:20but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live. Change by their certitudes, they are a slave. They have forfeited their freedom. Only a person who risks is free.

30:38So all I ask from you is that you will give it your best shot. And you won't use the excuse that I don't feel like it or it's too scary. Yes, you may moderate the behavior.

30:52You may take it a little bit easier, sure. And this is a video. You can turn me off for a moment and come back and do it again. But the things that I'm asking you to do fundamentally

31:07is to care about yourself. That's all it is. And in summary, it's all about the difference between a thought and a belief.

31:17A thought is an idea. A belief is something that actually creates change. And it's an idea within emotion. Thoughts and emotions, thoughts are more electrical.

31:27They change very quickly. You can change your thought. But if you change the thought, you say, I can do it. And you don't feel it.

31:34It won't have become a belief. For it to become a belief, you need to work with the emotions. And the emotions take time. They run about 600 times slower than a thought.

31:48So you've got to be there for some period of time before the emotion catches up. And stepping out of comfort zone does require you at times to face things that are a little uncomfortable.

32:01And to make a commitment to finding the person that you want, this is really what I want. And being prepared to take a risk in facing your emotions and possibly making a mistake and chasing someone.

32:20And so what? And get up and just do it again and improve and learn from it. The any questions that you have, please, quote, lesson two.

32:32And I welcome questions. The other thing is the next lesson is lesson three. And this is in this lesson, we're now starting to move into creating the vision, asking for what

32:48you want. It's like discussing manifestation. We're doing the first step. It's the asking component.

32:54It's dealing with objections to asking, which in part we describe, we're going to talk about again. And then we're going to sit and in great detail, write down the person who represents your ideal partner

33:09and hopefully envisage them. Being able to see who that person is and bring them into your life. So next lesson, when you get a chance, don't leave it too long.

33:22Get stuck into it. The reminder, until then, breathe through you, those. Thank you for watching.