Anxiety and Depression — Full webinar with Michael Adamedes

0:00Welcome. This is the third presentation in the emotional series and in this presentation there are two parts. Part one is anxiety and part two is depression. But before I start I would like to do a one minute centering exercise. So spine straight, head erect, eyes gently closed, and absolutely perfectly still.

0:29Take in a really deep breath through the nose and make a long sigh sound out through the mouth. Letting go of any tension you may be holding. Now take two long slow breaths in and out of your nose. And bring your attention back to the screen.

1:33But just before I start talking about anxiety and depression I want to place them into context with the ways we can express our life force. And in this image it's not to scale. You can actually see there are basically four different states. First one is social engagement.

1:58And here we are we're connected and we feel part of everything. And it's caring and in the present, grounded and basically happy. And so that's what our your normal state is, my normal state is. And most people's normal state.

2:15When we don't have things bothering us. And once we get triggered the next stage is the fight phase. We have to face things, disfrostration, anger, rage, all these sort of things going on. And then the stage after that is flight where we start to worry there's anxiety, fear, panic.

2:40And then the fourth stage is freezing. Where we withdraw there's a sense of shame, depression and apathy. So in those four phases anxiety is really part of that fight, fight, flight phase. It's like something's just gone out of balance and it's overwhelming.

3:06And depression is about this aloneness. And so depression and anxiety rather is probably one of the most significant things that happening to people in Western society. We live in this very fast pace, stress for world and almost all adults are experiencing some level of anxiety.

3:27But for some people the level of anxiety just gets too much and becomes a problem. So what is anxiety? The dictionary definition of anxiety is a feeling of uneasiness and worry. Anxiety is a multi-system response to a perceived threat or danger.

3:50And so it can range from something mild to chronic from just basic stress to a panic attack. And in the extreme form it can become a medical condition. And if it is at the level of a medical condition then you do require medical professional help to get you through it. It's just too dense for you to be able to do it on your own.

4:14At least for the majority of people it's too difficult to do it on your own. And anxiety is all about the fear of survival. It's something in my environment is triggering this survival response. And where it becomes tricky is it may not be real.

4:39It's like I'm feeling anxious because someone has spoken to me in a very aggressive way. I may feel as though I'm not going to survive and I'm in real meltdown because a job application I went for, you know, a job interview I went for didn't work out. And so it's when those things occur that it starts to become a problem.

5:03And if it goes on long enough you start to develop the feeling afraid and it becomes the fear of the fear. And so just keeping with the definition of terms then what is fear? In this slide I have it as false evidence appearing real. It's one of those things we say in personal development that often the fear we're experiencing isn't to do with a real danger.

5:35It is to do with some sort of imagined or unconsciously remembered danger. But the definition for fear is the emotional response to a perception of danger real or imagined. If it's real then it's okay. It's okay to be afraid because it activates your endocrine system and hormones like the adrenaline and cortisol are released to help you cope with the threat and prepare for action.

6:06So that's a positive thing but however in the face of no actual physical threat, excessive levels of these hormones leave you feeling anxious and impact your body in a whole lot of different ways. And this may become a vicious cycle. Your hormones increase your anxiety and then your anxiety causes more hormones to be released and so it sets up this negative cycle and so on.

6:35According to Wikipedia, the hormonal response goes something like this. And here we have it described in four stages. In stage one there's a threat real or imagined. In stage two the brain processes the signal and the amygdala and hypothalamus two kind of glands in the brain send signals to the pituitary, another part of the brain which releases and adrenal,

7:12the cototropic hormone called ACTH and this is sent to the adrenal glands which sit on top of each of your kidneys and releases the hormones of cortisol and adrenaline into the body. Now cortisol is a steroid and increases the body's metabolism and it increases the body's ability to process glucose. So its main function is to give you more energy. Whereas adrenaline triggers the body's fight or flight response which causes air passages to dilate.

7:52So you've got more oxygen into your body. The blood vessels in certain parts of your body contract. So more blood is now being directed to major muscle groups. It reduces the body's ability to feel pain so that your more versatile you can face something.

8:12And it causes a noticeable increase in strength and performance as well as contributing to a heightened state of awareness. And so after the stress is subsided the adrenal glands effect can last for up to an hour. But the problem is that the adrenal and is activated and it's not a real threat and so the body doesn't have that action of either fighting or running away to release the hormones. And if it doesn't release the hormones then it can create feelings of dizziness, light, headiness and a whole lot of vision changes.

8:56Also because adrenaline causes a release of glucose which in the fight and flight response would be used. That extra energy has their use and can lead the person feeling restless and irritable. And excessive high levels of hormones you distress without real danger can cause heart issues in somniac. You become jittery nervous.

9:23So having the fight flight response being triggered by anxiety can place a lot of stress on the body in mind. So what can we do to change this? This is basically a four-part process that I put together. And with this the first thing is to recognize that you know the fear itself won't do you injury.

9:51It is how you respond to the fear. The problem arises when you become afraid and try to avoid feeling the fear. And then stop and force. So in this instance you've got to stop yourself.

10:06You've got to feel it. Breathe through your nose. Be here. As horrible as it feels.

10:16Stay with it. Because as soon as you feel anxious as soon as the fear comes up the first thing you want to do is run, do something. Fix something. Be involved with something.

10:33You're going to do everything you can except stop and feel it. You've got to feel it. Stopping and feeling it begins to change your whole psychological response to the trigger. That's stimulus so that you're not panicking when someone says no or when something goes wrong or you don't get what you thought you might have gone.

10:57And so the simple way to remind yourself to stop and feel it is to breathe through your nose. The second thing is present time awareness. Like stop, be here now. Be in this thing.

11:16Present time awareness works in two ways. Both as a coping mechanism helping you cope with the feeling of anxiety or fear. And it's actually a way of dissolving it. The coping mechanism allows you to take your mind off the fear by placing it onto the environment around you.

11:36For example, here I have a phrase, I've got all this anxiety and my stomach. I'm starting to aspire. I can just go into breathing. Focus on the breath.

11:47Focus on the breath coming in. Focus on the breath coming out. Or just feel yourself. Feel your body.

11:57Feel where you're sitting or standing. Or turn your attention to the sounds around you. What can you hear? What are you actually seeing?

12:13Switch off from this story that's going on in your brain. Come back here in this moment. They say fear is false evidence appearing. Real fear is also a past experience being projected into the future.

12:30Fear means you're not in the present. Let's be here in this moment. Be in this moment. You went to rub that cycle of fear.

12:41Breathe is the easiest way. Breathe, breathe, breathe. There's even a trick I've seen where if you're on your own and people are around you, breathe using your hand, your palm of your hand, and you go inhale on the thumb.

12:57Exhale on the thumb. Inhale on the index finger. Exhale on the index finger. And so on.

13:05And you just trace the in and out through your hand. It should already start to calm you down. And if you feel it hasn't calmed you enough, do it again. So it's a way of training yourself to take five or ten breaths.

13:40And it's a way of solving your fear. The staying in present time enables you to observe it. So you're now feeling the effect of that fear in your body. And you're staying with it.

13:56If you feel it and stay with it, it will dissolve away. This is a very old Buddhist meditation technique. It's called Vipashna. And with Vipashna you have this awareness of the bodily sensations.

14:16You don't try and change your sensations. You don't try and move away from the sensations. You stay present with the sensations and just experience them as they are. Because fear represents a moment of unconsciousness.

14:33In the past when some stressful situation occurred, something can you shut down. Or if it wasn't your fear, it may have been something from your mother or your father. And so at their time in life when something happened,

14:49they became afraid, they shut down. And that fear response sits in their psychology. You grew up as their child. You spent the most significant developmental stages of your life with your mother and your father.

15:07They were your role models. And in particular your mother. So that role modeling effect is passed on to you. Purely because you were with this person who you respected

15:19and were open to during those developmental phases of your life. It's no blame or anything to do with them. It's just the nature of how issues are transmitted from one generation to the next. But if you can stay fully in the moment and feel the effect of whatever is taking place,

15:41it will dissolve. It wasn't felt in the past for some reason. You were young, it couldn't deal with it. Now you're in a different stage.

15:53And it's important that you do feel it. And in feeling it, it completes the cycle. The other thing you can do are small challenges. It means get into the habit of facing little fears in your life.

16:09For example, talking in public, meeting new people. If you're into skydiving, go skydiving. You know, it's not something that I'm really interested in. There'd be things that are challenging me, pushing me to face those barriers within me.

16:29It'll give you confidence and teach you how to manage it for you. So it's testing yourself in small ways. And those small ways you have to succeed in. You don't want to be testing yourself with fear and failing.

16:42That's going to make the whole thing worse. You want to be testing yourself with small amounts of fear and overcoming those fear. Fear. And the other thing you can do is get support.

16:57And when you first start doing this, it's difficult to do it on your own. Friends can help you. You can join a support group of people who are caught up in a similar situation. You could have a coach.

17:09You could go to a professional who works in that area. So you just have to work at it and it just requires a focused approach over a period of time. So this is basically how to manage the symptoms of anxiety and fear. But how do we ultimately get past that anxiety?

17:38Or before that, what can we do when we're experiencing anxiety? So I'm just giving you general principles. This is what you can do. You can start.

17:49You can feel it. You can be in prison time awareness. You can take up small challenges and you can get someone to help you. But if you're caught in an extreme panic attack, what can you do?

18:00What can we do with a panic attack? And there are basically two things. But the first thing to understand with a panic attack is that you need to process the hormones that have been released into your body because of the fight, flight, response. And with all these hormones flowing through your body, you're not going to feel great.

18:27And we've got to think of how are going to stop these from being released. And there are basically two ways that work really well. The first way is exercise. And so if you are already someone who exercises, then this will be a relatively straightforward thing to do.

18:49If you've never exercised and you think I'm going to take up exercise for my anxiety, you've got no chance. It's going to be too hard. You need to be exercising when there is no anxiety to be going to the gym, having a swim, writing a push bike, doing regular power walks. So you need to develop an exercise routine, one, feel your general physical health, and two for any psychological or emotional issues that may arise.

19:23So that's a fantastic thing to do. And with exercise, the ideal thing is about three times a week. So exercise is a big thing. And with your exercise, you need to get a aerobic breathing and perspiring if possible.

19:42So you're breathing, you're running, you're pushing yourself with that. And that will process the hormones. It changes the whole hormone cocktail, mix in your body. And usually you're talking 20 to 40 minutes.

19:56So if you went out there and you were feeling anxious and it was all getting too much, put on your running shoes, get on your push bike, go to the gym, jump in the swing pool, 20 minutes of that guaranteed anxiety is all over. It's finished. And you've processed that piece of anxiety that had been activated. The trick is not to reactivate it by going back and thinking about the things that occurred.

20:23Just forget about it for a while. And just have a bit of a holiday from it. Think of your ancient ancestor walking along the forest trail and a while, animal jumps out. That is, it requires a major physical effort.

20:40It's putting a major physical effort into all these hormones that are pumping through your body will pull you out of the anxiety. The other way of dealing with the anxiety is lying down. And the best way to do that would be at home on your bed, take away your pillow, lie on top of the bed covers and just lie flat and straight. Arms are apart, legs are slightly apart and you're just lying there.

21:12And I would set a clock beside you a timer so that you knew how long you were there. And the ideal time is about 15 minutes because in 15 minutes as you lie down, the brain is telling the adrenals you're no longer in danger. If you're in danger, you wouldn't have a lie down. And if you can lie down for 15 minutes, that whole hormonal cocktail thing will just settle itself.

21:42And the best thing is don't move. Just lie there, be still. And lying down is wonderful for short-circuiting the anxiety hormone loop. And both of these methods I've used for many years.

21:56And it's simple as exercise. If you're into it, or just go and have a lie down. If you're at work, it's a different ball game. You really can't do very much.

22:06If you're at work and you're starting to feel anxious, if you're able to, I would just walk out of the office, go down into the street and maybe walk around the block really quickly and come back maybe five minutes, ten minutes at the most. But get out of the environment for a few minutes. Break that connection. Get some fresh air.

22:24If there's sunlight, if there's a park, great, if not, you don't have time. You just walk outside for a few minutes. Even go to the bathroom. Just get out of the room, calm down a little bit.

22:36Once you get home at night, you've got to be careful if you start to think about the days events. You may go straight back into cycling through the anxiety. If you do, find yourself doing that. Go to the gym if that's something you do, or go and lie down on the bed.

22:53This will make a big difference in releasing your anxiety. But these are short term solutions. And so what they're doing is they're helping you manage the symptom. That's a reason.

23:08But the longer term solution is to understand why are you so sensitive to these external triggers. Why is this coming up? And that requires basically psychological counseling. You can do your own psychological counseling or you could go to someone else.

23:25Initially, I would go to someone else just to get a feel for it. And then you can start to think and look and go inward and understand why is this here. Is it something from my direct experience or is it something I've inherited from my family? And if I can get to understand that, I can neutralize that.

23:45And the anxiety that I'm feeling will just drop away. And so this is a big deal. Many years ago, I worked at Parkley Prison near Sydney in Australia. As a counselor to drug and alcohol addicted inmates.

24:07And I would go every Friday and work with a group of eight men from 9.30am to 4pm. And this group of eight men would last for 10 weeks. And then I'd usually have a week off and then start a new group for another 10 weeks. And I did that for two years.

24:24Over the time, I probably worked with about 50 different men. Because there were a few people who would repeat and come back into another, into the same group. But during those two years, I really got to know 10 men really well. And they all had a similar core negative belief.

24:46It was quite revelatory for me at the time when I was working with them. And what do you think it may have been? Well, that negative belief was, I am guilty, I am bad. And because they held that belief of guilty and bad, the consequence of that is the unconscious says,

25:10I deserve to be punished. And so all of these guys ended up in the jail system. And I'm sure there would be people who commit crimes who don't run a patent of being guilty and bad and don't get caught by the criminal justice system.

25:27Because for something to get you, there has to be a two-part process, an external attempt. And then there has to be something in you susceptible to it. If you're not susceptible to it, it won't occur. You know, it's like this image here about complete and incomplete.

25:48Something's having a go at you, you're complete. You don't have anything in you that's susceptible to it, it can't get you. Or it misses you. Another example I had many years ago, I had a client who came to me,

26:03had been caught from porting a commercial quantity of cocaine into the country. You know, it was like, I don't know, half a kilo or something, which they called commercial quantity. And because I had a personal relationship with this person, and he'd regretted very much when he'd done, and he was never going to do it again, I decided to look all work with him.

26:26And over the time, we managed to identify the reason why he'd been caught. And fortunately, his court case took about 18 months, and that gave us enough time to work out his issue. But his issue was, as a teenager, he believed he was never good enough for his father. And that he was a failure, and that his father had rejected him.

26:49And because he thought his father had rejected him and he was a failure, it was like, it was almost like he didn't deserve to be supported and loved by authority. All that he even wasn't supported and loved by authority. And that authority, because once your father is a teenager and authority as an adult,

27:14an authority then as an adult is represented by things like the government, police, people who are your employers, or people who you see as being senior to you. And so he had this sense that the father figure in his life was negative towards him. And it took us about six months of counseling, and he cleared that part of his father issue.

27:41So by the time he went to court and his sentence was handed down, he had been given a three-year good behaviour bond. We were all surprised, he didn't even go to prison. That entire time while his court case was being heard, he was just out on bail. And so he was never in prison, we were all thrilled.

28:01The expectation from his legal counsel was that he would receive at least a one to two-year prison term. And that would be if he's lucky. And he didn't happen for him. He shifted something. There's a universal principle involved here.

28:19Manifestation occurs through resonance. It means like attracts like. Similar frequencies with similar frequencies, similar personalities with similar personalities. You know, successful people hang out with successful people, wealthy people hang out with wealthy people.

28:40Autistic people hang out with artistic people. People that are like you are the sort of people you will hang out with. That just seems normal and natural. But that's what happens in life, almost in all circumstances.

28:55And so if I'm going to get something negative, there has to be something in me to receive it. So with this complete, if I've resolved issues around being attacked or being guilty or bad, then there's no way I'm going to end up in the criminal justice system. There's no way that these negative things will occur.

29:23But if I'm incomplete and unfortunately that's the position of most people, if you look at line number one on the incomplete circle, you can see that the external influence comes straight in. Boom, I'm affected by it.

29:43It knocks me out. I go into panic. I'm into anxiety. I can't move forward. And so it requires something in me. I can go to line number two and sometimes you're able to protect yourself.

29:59You can protect it by deflecting it. Prayer and meditation can help. Calling for a higher protection can help. Affirmations, I believe in myself. I am innocent.

30:10I'm of service to others. You will and your intention can also know I won't allow this to happen to me. I'll fight them. I won't let them do this to me. That can also avoid it to some extent.

30:26Visualization, things like I can put a protective cloak around me, have a crystal, have a mirror that bounces the negativity back, put a shield in front of me. I can do oils, crystals.

30:39All these things have some effect. And to a certain extent, are beneficial. But if something's re and if the issue coming at you isn't significant, the chances are you can deflect it like number two.

30:55But if you're in number three, and this is a big issue, it doesn't matter what you put up, it's just going to go right through. You won't be able to protect yourself. Eventually it gets through because that vulnerability still remains unresolved.

31:12And the likelihood, because you've got that vulnerability, you're going to be susceptible to the behavior that caused that initial attack anyway. And the only long-term real security is to resolve the cause of your vulnerability. So your real security, your real sense of healing, anxiety, and depression,

31:37is to heal yourself, work out the things that have created you to be susceptible to them. In the next section, I want to talk about depression. And depression is about aloneness. And to define depression, it's an emotional state that has persistent feelings

32:04of low self-worth, sadness, and withdrawal. And it can also range from mild to chronic. That is from feeling sad and shut down to where it does become a medical condition. And unfortunately the major way in which most people are dealing with their depression is to be medicated.

32:26In extreme cases, I think that's probably a workable solution. But you can't make that medication a lifestyle. So to get you over a hump, to get you through a really bad place, then there's a place for it.

32:40But if you're still on medication 12 months later, then you've got to really consider what's going on here. And that medication makes you dependent to the medication and also reduces your capacity to deal with the issues that are causing the depression.

32:57So you can become not only physically addicted, but then you become psychologically addicted to the whole depression scenario. So you've got to be cautious about a medicated pathway. But there are situations when people are in extreme pain,

33:16then that becomes the only option. But if you are in a very advanced state with depression, then you definitely need professional help. So depression is the fear of a loneliness.

33:31And from an ego perspective, it's the disconnection from others. And in particular, it's the disconnection from mother. Again, nothing to do with mother. It's not mom's fault.

33:46Most moms are absolutely amazing and wonderful and they've done the best they possibly can. Under extreme circumstances, and they themselves most likely haven't been mother.

33:57They didn't get supported. And even being a mother, bringing up children, they're left on their own to do it all on their own, which to me, Israel, and almost impossible task.

34:09You can't bring up children with one person on their own without being a stress. You need a group of people, family and friends to be involved. And so the pain that occurs is often the child has failed to bond, fully with their mother.

34:31And that is a major cause of depression. And to deal with depression from an ego perspective, from a symptomatic perspective, there are basically seven things that I recommend.

34:46Again, exercise. You can't be an exercise. You've got to work on it. Power walking, jogging, gym, beach, swim, bath.

34:55When you're depressed, it'll be the last thing you feel like. You won't feel like going out. You won't feel like getting out of bed. You won't sit in the room on your own.

35:04You won't feel like doing anything. That's why before you depressed, you really want to work out a regime of exercise. If you're exercising the likelihood,

35:13you may never get depressed. But if you can, you go exercise. If you do go exercising, go to a gym, get a coach, have a buddy, do it with someone else.

35:23It's too hard to do it on your own. And it needs to be regular. Three times a week. Three times a week.

35:30The other thing you can do is have baths. That's another part of in the exercise regime. You sit in a bath. And other presentations I've talked about,

35:41they're a pewdieck bathing. You're lying a bath for 30 to 40 minutes. Warm. You do it in the evening before you go to sleep.

35:50And you want to do it at least three to four to five times a week. And if you don't have a bath, that becomes a problem. Then go to the beach, do some exercise, write a bike. The other thing you can do is change your thinking,

36:05change your thinking about yourself, and about some of the unresolved past events. I believe in myself. I'm proud of myself.

36:11I am good enough for women. I'm beautiful for men. I'm powerful and capable. But depression will usually be to do with some unresolved past event.

36:24Again, the trick with those unresolved past events is if they're from your own life, their relative is straightforward to identify. If they're inherited from your mother or your father, it's a more tricky situation.

36:40The other thing is with depression, you've got to get out. You've got to start talking about it. You've got to talk about how you feel it, how you feel, and go out and start doing things.

36:52Get involved in work, helping others be creative, painting, music, go traveling, join a course, get out, get involved, get creative, express yourself. The other thing you can do, number four, is nurture your spirit.

37:10Join a meditation class, do yoga. If you're religious, go to church. Church is wonderful. And pray.

37:21Spend time in nature. Go and spend time camping. Be out in the bush. I know, I used to years ago have a friend who was a builder,

37:33and his mate would be working on building sites, and there was very intense and really difficult. And one of the ways in which they could dissipate the stress and stop themselves from getting too down was to go fishing.

37:49And so they was spent a lot of time in a boat sitting in the water. And they weren't really that interested in the fish. They were just enjoying the time being out in nature, away from everything, and letting themselves wind down.

38:05Nature is amazing. Also diet is really important. No alcohol, no drugs, cut out carbonated drinks, sugary foods.

38:16You want to get into eating organic, healthy and fresh, and then eat in moderation. No big, massive meals, binge in eating. I know it's really hard.

38:26I'm asking you to have something to agree of self-control. That's where you need support from others. And this is where we say develop your social life, your social skills, join a support group,

38:39talk to other people who are facing the same experiences and challenges at least you can get involved. You know, there's an advantage and sometimes a disadvantage. Initially it's an advantage because with people you're out,

38:52you're doing something. After a while it can be a disadvantage because all you're ever hearing are problems. But if you haven't done this sort of thing and you're stuck, then that's a great step.

39:04Then you've got to shed your activities, get into doing things. Have an appointment, book, put it on your phone, put it on diary, and go out and do things.

39:13Go to the movies, go to sports events, visit people, be involved, get out and do things. And volunteering and helping others is a great way to meet people and expand.

39:29And finally professional support. See someone who can work out your issues and stick at it for at least six months. If it's mild depression, absolutely you can beat it. No question about it.

39:43And you just have to just start doing some of those things. And you want to be doing those things on a regular basis. If it's something that's really deep and heavy, the likelihood is you won't even be watching this presentation.

39:56And you may know someone. And so for them, they require professional help. They require someone to help them. They're not usually at the stage where they can help themselves.

40:09But for people who just on occasion go through cycles of depression, absolutely you can work it through. And you can definitely move to the next level with it. But to truly resolve depression, it's something else.

40:28If I, as I defined it before, depression is the fear of being alone. So to resolve depression, you have to face your aloneness. This is a big deal. And to face your aloneness is one of the things that most people run away.

40:49So what is aloneness? And why is aloneness painful? Well, aloneness is, as I mentioned earlier, a separation from others. But why it's painful is that it's really an ego symptom.

41:06Your ego, your personality, the way you perceive the world, your window to the world can only exist with others. It can't exist alone. So aloneness is usually the ego's fear.

41:24It's the fear of it no longer existing. It could say it's almost like an ego's fear of dying. And because you've identified yourself with the ego, you mistakenly think that your dying, your ego is a function of your relationship with other people.

41:46For instance, your opinion of yourself has been formed by your relationships with others. If your parents, siblings, teachers and friends think of you as capable, worthy and intelligent, then you will develop an opinion of yourself based on their opinions. If they think you're incapable, unworthy or stupid,

42:08then you will develop another set of opinions about yourself. But whatever others think of you, you can't stand to be ignored. That's unbearable. There's nothing to reinforce.

42:21Because in that, there's nothing to reinforce and opinion about yourself. And you will do anything to gain attention. You can be good or bad, but you can't be ignored. And most of this behavior, most of this ego, has developed before the age of seven.

42:39So we're not talking about what your parents and friends think of you now. We're talking about what your parents and friends thought about you when you're a young child, which in turn will imprint into those very susceptible developmental stages of your life. Your ego can't exist in the state of being alone.

43:03That's why a lowness feels so painful. You're basically facing an ego death. Being alone, if you get through this and on the other side, it's a blessing. But your ego needs other people in order to know itself.

43:25It needs other people to like and dislike, to want and reject. Without this, it starts to fall apart and a massive fear arises. And so the second thing is to be free of your lowness. You must be prepared to feel the fear of being alone.

43:46There's no way around it. You can't jump over your fear. You can't jump over your lowness. You have to just go through feeling alone.

43:59For me, there's been a number of times in my life when deep lowness has come to the surface. And it was extremely challenging. When I was 32 years of age, I'd been married for seven years and then the relationship ended. And I just went bang into depression.

44:17And I was probably in depression for about nine months. And then I probably easily took, I'd say, 12 months to get myself out of this every day. feeling of not being okay. And it didn't make sense because prior to the breakup of the marriage,

44:35I'd contemplated leaving my partner. It was actually my partner left me because she met someone else. And I had contemplated leaving her. But because she said she was going to leave me and she met someone else,

44:48I just went into a black hole. And I thought, well, this is stupid. If she hadn't have said that to me, maybe another two or three weeks, I may have said that to her.

44:57But it she got in first and there, here I am. And I was in this major state of depression for a long time. And this was the initiate. This was initiated me to get into personal development and to start being a therapist.

45:18But then my life moved on. I got into another relationship and then for whatever reason it didn't work out. And then I could feel myself I went into depression on that second occasion for about two months. And then years passed and I went into another relationship.

45:35And this one ended. And after eight and a half years. And then I was in depression and it probably took about two weeks. Each phase helped resolve something.

45:48Each phase enabled me to let go of some deep attachment. And then here I am, I'm blessed I've met my present part in the Susie. And we've been together for 21 years. And I would say she's the love of my life.

46:03And but I've had to go through these phases of dealing with my aloneness. And so also the other thing is your ego is a product of society. And being connected to society is comfortable, convenient, familiar. So letting go of your ego means letting go of what society has given you.

46:28And this can be very scary because you're going to become a different person. It may mean there's a change in your status, your wealth. You're searching to become your authentic self. You may have gone into a profession because this is what your family,

46:45other people thought was the appropriate thing. And you turn around one day and you think, look, I don't want to be a solicitor. I don't want to be a business person. I want to be something completely different.

46:57And so it then means you have to search for something else. Who are you? Maybe something more creative. It may be something completely different.

47:07And that is a challenge because you have to let go of these expectations that you've grown up with or other people have for you. And so who are you? What is your authentic self?

47:22What makes you tick? That's a big deal. I was very blessed. I found it by default having this breakup in the relationship at around 32 and then being kicked into full-time therapy.

47:36Suddenly I turned around one day surprise, surprise. I'm a therapist. That was a major revelation for me. And the last one is this understanding.

47:48It's called the ultimate freedom. That you are something greater than your ego. You're something greater than your programming. So, you know, who are you?

47:56That's the question of your very existence. You're not your body. You're not your emotions. You're not your mind.

48:04All your behaviours. They're parts of you. But you're something more. It's what you were or who you were before you're given a name

48:13and told by others who you should be. There will always be something incomplete in you until you get let go of this ego programming. And the attitudes that you've inherited from others. The ego bites very nature is always incomplete.

48:33It's always searching for something and can never be still. It will wear you out. Face your aloneness. Sit in your silence.

48:48Initially it'll be difficult. But on the other side of that, you'll find a profound peace. It's the only way you'll get free.

49:07And on this other side, depression, anxiety, stress, there's no relevance to you. The only relevance is that it was part of the journey you needed to take

49:22to get to where you are now. And then you look back and you know it's all okay. And it was all okay even when you didn't feel okay. As long as you keep going for yourself,

49:37it's definitely going to be okay. And this aloneness is probably the last of the issues you really have to deal with. And you have to deal with it. Otherwise you'll take it to the grave.

49:50And it doesn't mean it finishes there. It comes back again. You still have to muck around with it all over again. So in summary, anxiety is the fear of survival.

50:06And one of the best ways to deal with it is either to exercise or go and lie down. And depression is really about the fear of aloneness. And to deal with it, you must not change your feeling of aloneness or try to avoid the aloneness.

50:24To stay present and be in the aloneness. The aloneness has a beginning, middle, and an end. It will finish. The child, panics, and thinks that once it goes into this feeling state,

50:39it'll never end and it'll go forever. No way. This moment is very uncomfortable. But this moment, if I fully access it, access it, feel it, be in it.

50:50We'll go through an energetic cycle. It'll come, it'll rise and it'll complete. If I avoid it, it will never go through a cycle. It will stay in potential.

50:58And so it'll get triggered again. It'll get triggered again. It'll get triggered again. I want to bring it up, bring it through, and complete it.

51:06And your greatest issue is the issue of aloneness. So thank you for watching. A blessing and a joy to you all. And I'd like to thank the people who helped make this possible.

51:24It's Radian Sokolov for Marketing, Production and Web Design, and for Aaron McFarland Camera Sound and Lights and Post Production. And to remind you to breathe through your nose.