Addicted to Chemistry of Your Body — Full webinar with Michael Adamedes

0:00Welcome everyone. This is the second presentation in the emotional series and in this presentation there are three parts. Part one is distinction, explaining the difference between thoughts and emotions and the second part is disassociation, explaining how emotions are suppressed and part three is managing and resolving emotions and how we can get past them. But just before I start I would like to do a one minute centering exercise.

0:35So spine straight, head erect, eyes gently closed and absolutely perfectly still. And take in a really deep breath through the nose and make a long sigh sound out through the mouth. Now take two long slow breaths in and out through your nose and bring your attention back to the screen. And in this section I want to explain the difference between three sets of ideas.

1:54The first is I thought versus a belief. I thought versus an emotion and a feeling versus an emotion. And I call these the distinctions. And the first one is the difference between a thought and a belief. So when you think about it what is a thought?

2:19What is it? I thought really is as simple as it's an idea, a concept. I can have a thought. I can do this easily. And the fact that I have this thought, this idea, it doesn't necessarily mean that I believe it. So what is a belief?

2:41A belief is an idea within emotion. And it's this emotion or this feeling attached to the idea that gives you this bodily sensation that makes it real for you. And it's that feeling that is the difference. For all beliefs real. It may be, yes, I feel that and I think it's real.

3:12But is it real? And sometimes maybe trying to deceive me. I think I've got this belief there, telling me this is what should happen. But is my belief right? And to understand whether you have a belief that you can trust or not to understand whether this idea that has a feeling associated with it, is it emotional

3:40or is it a feeling state? And in this presentation a little bit later on, I'm going to explain the difference between an emotion or a feeling. And you need to understand that it's beliefs that move mountains. It's your beliefs that make the difference in your life, not your thoughts.

4:01And it's beliefs that control behavior. And to control your beliefs, you must be able to control your emotions. And so with this thing is we're looking at what is the difference then between a thought and an emotion. And how long does it take to change a thought? Well, you can think, I can do it or I can't do it. And now I can do it.

4:34And the difference between changing it from I can't do it to I can do it could be less than a second. So changing a thought can happen quite easily. Changing a thought is like it happens almost instantaneously. So we can say changing a thought is less than one second.

4:56But I can change a thought but it doesn't mean I believe it. So in order to believe it, I have to have an accompanying emotion. I've got to change the emotion. So how long does it take to change an emotion? Well, it depends on the emotion.

5:13In one instance I had a woman come to see me and I was counseling her because some 13 years earlier. She had her toddler, a two year old boy, drowned in the family swimming pool. And for her she hadn't resolved that emotion. And it 13 years later we were still talking about her grief and guilt and sadness and everything about the death of her two year old.

5:40And then through the counseling session we managed to resolve it. So that sort of emotion takes years and years. You could have a typical very everyday simple emotion which is driving in traffic. And this driving in traffic could just take a few minutes.

6:00And so I'm driving along someone cuts in front of me. I'm upset and I'm thinking you know what an idiot. And I start talking to myself, I'm so soothing and I say look it's okay. It'll be all right. And within a few minutes I can get myself out of it.

6:20So depending on the emotion it can go from years to minutes. But the usual sort of thing with changing an emotion is between about five and ten minutes. And so I thought can take up to a second to change and an emotion can take as much as five or ten minutes to change. So why is it that a thought can change in less than a second?

6:51And it takes an emotion longer than five minutes, ten minutes which is 300 to 600 seconds. So an emotion can be three to six hundred times slower than a thought. And until I get that feeling state change I won't believe it. I can say yes I can do it.

7:12There was a time when I was learning how to present. And I would stand up on stage and I'd have all this anxiety and find it very difficult to present. But I was taught to run this story in my head which said connect to the audience. I love them, they love me, I love them, they love me.

7:35And also think positively about what you're doing. I am a wonderful presenter. I'm a fabulous presenter. I'm a great presenter.

7:44But I could say that and not feel any better. I'm running this positive dialogue in my head and that's an advantage. But I'm not believing it. But if I keep saying it and I keep putting it out there and I keep staying positive,

8:00something changes and a few minutes later I'm feeling alright I've come down, I feel better. Now I'm believing that I'm a good presenter. And so it takes some time for the emotion to catch up with the thought. Because there's a difference between the way a thought and emotion is constructed.

8:25It's made. And one of the ways we can think about a thought is that a thought can be thought of as an electrical signal. It has something moving through the synapses of the brain. So it's almost like electrical current going up and down, through the brain and up and down the spine.

8:48So a thought is closer to electricity. And when we come to thinking about an emotion, it's more like a chemical reaction. And an emotion is this chemical experience taking place in the organs and the glands of the body. The liver, the kidneys, the heart, the adrenals, the thymus, the thyroid, just to name a few things.

9:18So we've got this chemical reaction taking place in our body. So an electrical current is much faster than an emotion than a chemical reaction. And this is the reason why thoughts are really fast. Emotions are far slower and it's not until the emotion catches up with the thought that it becomes a belief.

9:44And it's only a belief that ultimately creates the change in your life. Because something can you feel connected to it, congruent. You feel as though, yes, this is real. And because this is real, I believe that I think it's real because I feel it.

10:06I've got a thought and a feeling they're in alignment, therefore it must be real. The trick is there are times when this feeling state that comes in is to do with something else, with a past reaction. And we'll talk about that in a moment. If I've got my thought connected to a real feeling, then sure, this is going to be true for me.

10:30And it's the different, it's the understanding that firstly, I've got to get this feeling state in alignment with my thinking in order to put power behind my thoughts, my manifestation, my creation, my behavior. And this feeling state has to be in alignment with something that is congruent and real, not real, but it's resourceful for me rather than something that's reactive, which will throw my signal off. And so with the next distinction, it's the difference between a feeling and an emotion. And so most of the time, we use these two words, you know, intersposed with each other.

11:17We tend to think they mean the same thing because they're both experienced on a bodily level as a bodily sensation. But they're really completely different. And to recognize the difference is really important because this is the key to mastering your emotions, your thoughts, your behaviors. In other words, being able to make your life work in the way that you want to. So to understand what is an emotion, an emotion is a reaction.

11:55And it's a reaction to something that is unresolved. It's unresolved in your psychology and has been stored and something in present time has triggered it. It can be from childhood experiences and sexual memory, a past life. Childhood experiences means something that actually happened to you as a child. So it could have been your first day at school and it was a very rough experience.

12:25And sexual memory basically means your mother had a whole lot of issues around relationships, love, feeling safe, whatever, money, work. And because you loved her, she loved you. It became a mechanism by which this unresolved emotion with your mother was passed on to you. Or it could even come from another time. But the main thing is this emotion that you're experienced, this reaction that you're feeling is to do from a past experience.

13:02It's not necessarily to do with right now. Yes, something triggered it off. Someone said no to you. You've had a disagreement, a disappointment. But the effect is far out of proportion to the present time experience. That's because there's this thought emotion. And that emotional content will affect the way you think about things and also condition your beliefs as to what you should do and how you behave.

13:34And so it's important to recognize that this feeling or this boggly sensation is more an emotion than a feeling. Whereas a feeling is different altogether. A feeling on the other hand is a form of communication. And with a feeling, it's like one of your five senses of seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, and we also call it feeling. And most people's understanding of feeling is basically a form of touch.

14:13But there's a more subtle version of feeling. And it includes the ability to sense the emotional state of other people and your environment around you. Yes, I've got a feeling sensation. So I can tell if someone touches me and whether they touch me in a caring way or whether they're touching me in a very indifferent sort of way. or whether they're touching me in a quite negative way. So that's the very basic understanding of feeling. But I could come into a room and someone's upset. And if I'm tuned in, I could feel that upset without them having to say anything.

14:59Or I could come into a room where people have been arguing for some time and now they're left. And there's a feeling of disquiet in the room. Even though they're no longer there, there's kind of like an emotional residue that's been left in the environment for a period of time. You could come and clean that room by opening the windows and doors, by vacuuming the dust and stuff, or by burning a candle or something. And then you could come into that room and you wouldn't feel anything. But if you came into the room immediately after someone had an upset, there's a chance you could feel it.

15:38Or if you went into a house where something really tragic occurred, someone had died, then you may feel that sense of heavy emotion afterwards. This is a communication. This is real. This isn't an imagination. This is your emotional sensitivity. A more everyday example of that is say you and I are in the audience of a theatre and we're watching a play about a loving relationship. And the relationship's just the end. The man walks off the stage and the woman remains and she's grieving.

16:16And you and I feel her sadness because she's transmitting sadness. She's an actress. She's in the feeling state of sadness. She's not really sad. She's acting sad. And she may have performed this play more than 20 times. It's a job. But she knows how to be in a feeling state of sadness as if she really was sad. And because she's transmitting sadness, you and I, and if we're sensitive enough, will pick this sadness up. It's like hearing a sound. A dog's barking. While the dog is barking, you hear it. Once it stops barking, there's nothing to hear. And so this feeling state is the ability to sense emotion in your environment.

17:13And that is a basic sense we all have. But because of unresolved issues in our childhood and this massive store of emotion, it clouds our sensitivity. And I'll explain that in a moment as to why it gets shut down. But let's assume you are experiencing this sadness, this actress who's transmitting. And you have unresolved sadness in your life about a relationship that didn't work or something. And that initially you would feel the sadness because that is being communicated, transmitted. And then that sadness that your feeling would activate would trigger this unresolved sadness. And now you would actually be left feeling sad even after the actress stopped transmitting the sadness. And so this is, had this now shifted from a feeling of receiving the sadness to an emotion of experiencing an unresolved piece of your own psychology. And it's now coming to the surface.

18:35But this ability to tell the difference between a feeling and emotion is critical because that gives you some power over the emotional experience. And if you feel an emotion, I can say almost exclusively you've got to discount it in that moment as being an accurate representation of what's taking place. Because your own internal state is being activated and it's clouding your ability to think clearly. If this is a feeling that's coming through, hold a different ballgame. If this is a feeling, then it's a communication. And this feeling works on a number of levels. On the everyday level, it's you picking up the emotion that's existing in the environment that you are in. And so yes, I'm feeling it because it's there. It's being transmitted or it's been deposited in that environment and I can still feel the residue of it.

19:46The other way you can experience it as a feeling is through your intuition. You can get guidance. Suddenly your guidance comes through. It's almost like a third force is operating and a piece of advice has been given to you. Twice in my life, I have been given, or several times in my life, I've been given guidance from another source. And on the first occasion I received it to my great detriment. I didn't listen to it. And the corresponding experience took about five years to resolve and it was extremely difficult and unsettling in my life. And it was all about a relationship. But I resisted what I was being told and I went forward with a relationship when my inner voice was saying, move on, it's time to go.

20:44And that was bad. Whereas at other times it's come through and said, don't do that. I haven't done that and things have worked out. Or do this, I've done that. And it's worked out. And so when I get this feeling state, I really listen intently because this is significant for directing me through my life. And I need to be able to tell the difference between my emotions and my feelings. And one of the ways to distinguish these two is by its voice. And when I say, you know, the emotions and the feelings have a voice, the water curves is the voice of my feelings is actually quiet.

21:42It's a very quiet thing. It doesn't shout at you. You've got to pay attention. They've got to be quite still. And this is, it just won't force itself on you. You've got to be sensitive to it. And so there as the voice of your emotions is very loud. And you don't even have to worry. It's shouting at you. And if you're not careful, it's drowning you out. And the feelings come through very subtly, very quietly. Emotions come up very strongly. And so if you are unsure and it's feeling quite strong, you can almost always say it's an emotion. What you need to do is put whatever decision you're going to make on hold until this emotional experience goes through its cycle. And it can take anything from a few minutes to several days, depending on how it affects you.

22:57There used to be a time when I would get upset in a relationship and I could remain upset for up to a week. And then I would just have to be very careful about saying things and doing things until I come down. But other times, you know, the emotion comes up, I look at it and within 10 or 15 minutes it settles and then I can go back and be normal again. This emotion is important to recognize and to see it as something that's being activated from the unconscious. And it's more a detoxing thing that's happening than it is a guidance that you can really trust. So you've got to kind of think, no, put it to one side. Feelings and emotions are significant because this is the difference between understanding whether you should trust what you're experiencing and whether you should put it on hold and wait till a later time and then make a decision.

24:00In the next section, I want to discuss another issue with emotions and it's called disassociation. And disassociation is the way in which your emotions are suppressed. And with disassociation, it's when the ego, mind, personality part of you separates itself from an experience that it can't emotionally deal with. So it's like you are as a child and you're listening to mum and dad arguing. And all this emotions sadness anger, this fear is coming up and you may only be three or four years of age and it's just too overwhelming. And the child doesn't know how to deal with it. And the only way it can really deal with it is to disconnect from it. And so we shut down that feeling. We push it away.

25:00In that instance, it was probably the best thing to do because that child could have become sick. It could have had an accident something more serious could have happened by pushing it away. It doesn't mean that it's gone. It just means you've stored it, you've pushed it down and now you can carry on with your life and be okay. But if this arguing if mum and dad occurred over long periods of time and then you spent lots of experiences in pushing away the feelings and pushing away the emotions. Even though this is the ego's mechanism for protecting itself, it's basically disconnecting you from your feelings. In the first instance, you pushing it away and protecting yourself is actually a positive thing. It's like a caterpillar needing to spin a cocoon around itself to protect itself.

26:06So from the perspective of the caterpillar, the cocoon is a positive thing. It needs this cocoon to protect itself from the world until it matures. From the perspective of the child pushing away the emotions, storing the emotions, disconnecting from the emotions is a mechanism for survival. Because at that time the overwhelm, the feeling of all this stuff happening was just too much for it to deal with. And so it has a positive for the child.

26:45The problem is you're no longer a child. And so from the perspective of the adult to be disassociated from your emotions is catastrophic. It's a big deal. You are no longer a caterpillar. You're a butterfly. And from the perspective of the butterfly, if it doesn't break out of the cocoon, this is catastrophic. It dies. So if you, from an adult human perspective, if you don't eventually re-associate with your emotions, you in part, die emotionally.

27:28Your emotional sensitivity is diminished. You can become prone to physical illness. Your endocrine system, your immune system is compromised. Your emotional intelligence is reduced or becomes non-existent. You lose this sensitivity to the emotion in the environment around you. All addiction is a symptom of disassociation. Addiction is the habitual response to avoiding your feelings.

28:00And we go into addiction either through substance or process. Substance is your ingesting things. Your drinking, your smoking, your eating. This is why people become overweight usually. Or it's a process. We become addictive in our habits. We're always looking at the telephone or the TV or the computer screen. People who come six addicts, they become gym addicts, they become worker-holics. It's a way of taking yourself away from your feelings. It's a way of dealing with your feelings.

28:38But it's even more catastrophic in that we lose touch with our inner guidance. We lose touch with our ability to trust our own intuition, to trust our own feelings. And so we become shut down. And then you lose the ability to tell when someone is lying to you. You don't know. You can't feel it.

29:06Someone's saying something. It sounds logical. But they may not be telling you the full story. And if you were fully tuned, then you would feel something's out of not quite right. And you would start questioning it. Whereas if you're out of connection, then they're giving you a good story.

29:26Where you go. We say, in this bullshit baffles brains. And so here we are. I'm getting a good story. And so I'm taking in by it. Disassociation is so common that most people talk about their intuition or feeling state as something that's considered fanciful or delusional. You think, oh, your intuition. Oh, that's just airy-fairy. It's not real.

29:54Hang on a minute. Your intuition is a significant aspect of your ability to experience the world. You lose connection with your intuition. Ultimately means you lose connection with trusting yourself. We put our authority outside of ourselves. This whole idea is I am my own authority. It has to be me as to whether this is real or not. For me, it doesn't matter what the experts say.

30:27What do I feel? The expert says I should feel this way. But I'm not feeling that way. And I've lost connection with my feelings. Well, I'll go off with the expert. Sometimes they're right. Sometimes they're not right. But it's up to me to figure out what's right for me. I have to be my own authority. And in order to be my own authority, in order to take the power of my life,

30:53I have to be connected to my feelings, to my feeling state. And we're told, let's be rational. Let's be logical. But it's rational, logical people who develop the atomic bomb. It's rational, logical people who pollute the environment.

31:14It's rational, logical people who are bankrupting the economy in order to protect us. Logic and rationality are okay if they're tempered by feeling an intuition. In the kingdom of your awareness, the king is your rational mind. The queen is your emotional sensitivity. But if we're shut down, the queen, she's been locked up in the tower.

31:49And the king is about business and warfare. And the queen is about shopping and decorating. There's a balance. We need our family to be looked after. We need to find things in life. Plus we need to make sure we're protecting ourselves and we're providing. So in most peoples kingdom of awareness, they're disconnected.

32:16The queen is locked permanently in the tower. And because of this, we've lost connection with our internal knowing. And the only way we can judge whether something works or not is through logic, which makes us vulnerable to being manipulated and controlled. Because it's important to use your logic and your rational thinking. But you must have a feeling.

32:43And so the most significant thing you can do for your health, peace of mind and feel family is to increase your emotional sensitivity, your emotional intelligence. So how do we manage our emotions and reassociate with our feeling state? And this is the next section I want to talk about. So in this section, it's dealing with managing and resolving the emotions.

33:11When I talk about managing the emotions, it means dealing with the symptoms. And with resolving the emotions, it's dealing with the cause of why I'm being emotionally triggered in the first place. And you can't walk around feeling upset or afraid. It's not good for your health or for the people around you.

33:31So you need to be able to manage them, contain them channel them in a way. And in order to manage your emotions, there's this emotional dilemma. And I call it an emotional dilemma because you have two needs that seem to be pulling you in different directions. The first one is expression.

33:58So if I'm feeling very annoyed or very sad or afraid, I've got to move the energy of this emotion out of my body. Sometimes I can do it by voicing things, screaming things, exercise, swimming, working it out. But I need to give this emotion an expression. Because if I don't, the emotion actually stores in my body.

34:28And usually, the emotion after 50 minutes is no longer felt. It just goes into storage, which can still be accessed and released. But it's not obvious to you anymore. And because you're not feeling it, you think you're over it and it's gone.

34:47And now why should I bother? But if I've been in a stressful situation at work and I'm experiencing a lot of frustrating situations with people around me, while I'm there, I'm quite frustrated. And then later on in the afternoon, the frustration settles and I'm not feeling the frustration. But I'm carrying this day of baggage, of emotion.

35:11If I'm not careful, I'll come home and I'll just start being irritable to the people I'm living with. Because I've just had so much frustration to deal with. A simple way to short circuit that would be to come home and change your clothes. Come home and have a shower or go for a walk, go for a gym.

35:34Do something where you energetically interrupt the transition between work and home. And it just gives you a chance to recompose yourself. And so I'll talk about mechanisms for expressing the emotion and releasing the emotion on a regular basis. But you need to build these habits into your everyday life.

35:59So this emotion needs some form of release. The other side of the emotional dilemma is you need to hold the back, contain it. So with someone said something to you, you're feeling upset. It's not always appropriate to express that upset.

36:23And the fact that they've said that it may be in all innocence, they're saying, look, I don't really know. And I'm thinking, well, you should know. Or why don't you know? Or I might be running a story in my head.

36:35You're saying you don't know purely because you don't want to help me or something. And that's a whole story, whereas really they may not know. And even if they're doing all that, I don't need to get into an argument. I need to hold back.

36:50Why is that bothering me? So what? They may be carrying on and being stupid. But why is this stupidity or their issue a problem for me?

36:58Because there's something in me that's unresolved. And so the second side of an emotional dilemma is this thing called responsibility. And it's 100% personal responsibility. It's saying that there are two parts to an emotion.

37:18One is the triggering mechanism. Something happened out there in the environment. And two, there is something unresolved and stored in me. If there was nothing unresolved and stored in me, they could behave in that way.

37:33And it's unlikely that I would have an emotional response at all. I would just look at them and think, well, so what? They've got issues. They haven't worked something out.

37:45It's their problem. It's not my problem. I don't have to get upset. I may need to do something about it.

37:51Most of the time, I don't need to do anything. Just move on and get on with things. But if I'm now upset about it, I have all this unresolved emotion sitting there. And now I can explode and say it's their fault because they triggered it off in me.

38:09And until they said that, I was feeling okay. But really, it's in me. It's in me. 100% responsibility.

38:19No one else is doing it to you. It's my thought since my issues. And so it's whereas emotional resolution is like, how do I get to understand what is this unresolved thing? Well, the first thing you have to do is this idea of 100% personal responsibility.

38:40Because if you think the cause of your upset is to do with something outside of yourself, then what happens is until that thing out there changes, then how can you be any different? But it's not. That is a two-part process.

38:58Yes, there was a trigger. Yes, their behavior may need correcting, improving, changing, whatever. But why is that a problem for me? It's this part of why is it a problem for me that I need to look at?

39:14And for understanding that responsibility implies that the cause of my issue is not out there. The cause of my issue is here. Responsibility says, no blame. I'm not blaming that person out there.

39:32I'm not blaming myself. I'm not feeling guilty. I don't have to carry shame. I'm just recognizing it is a conditioning that sits unresolved in my psychology,

39:44and eventually will need to be resolved. The best way for me to resolve it is to remove judgment about who I am and what I am and what it means about me. This is just what's happening at the moment. And 100% responsibility really implies that the resolution to this issue lies within myself, not outside.

40:13And so I'm looking to see, okay, what part of me is being activated by this. So the first thing is taking that responsibility. And that way you're able to let it go. The second piece of this is disidentifying.

40:33And disidentifying is significant. It's like just as I said a little earlier, not blaming yourself and not recognizing or seeing the symptom as being you. Yes, you're responsible for it. Yes, it sits in your psychology.

40:53This, if you don't come to deal with it, it's going to have a catastrophic effect on your life. But this is not who you are. This is something that you need to come to terms with and resolve. And you can think of it as this is my personality detoxing.

41:14This is just part of the destiny I was born into that I need to come to terms with in order to become something more amazing and more fabulous. This is not a limitation on me. Well, it is a limitation in the sense if I don't resolve it. But this limitation doesn't define me.

41:38Well, who I am and it's not what's meant to be there. This is just something that I have to come to terms with and resolve. I am greater than this. So I've got to separate myself from the symptom.

41:52I can't see myself as the symptom. If I have someone coming to see me and they're suffering from asthma, I would never consider them as an asthmatic. I would think of them as a strong, healthy person who on occasion experiences the symptoms of asthma. This is not who they are.

42:16This is something they need to work on. It's the same with your emotions and these responses that are coming up. And the third step is this process of looking inward. And it's like, I've just got to sit, be still and ask myself, when did I first feel it?

42:41When can I remember the first time I experienced it? It was as a child, was it going to school, was it learning a sport? Did the other thing I could ask is, did my mother or father have these kind of feelings? Is it something I've picked up from my mother and father?

43:02Now, I pick it up from my mother and father, not because my mother and father are doing anything wrong, but because my mother and father were the main role models in my life while I was growing up. And during these very critical developmental stages in my life, the person or people I spent the most time with, or had the greatest connection with, are the people who have the greatest influence on me.

43:28And by definition, it usually is mother. We spend more time with mother in the early years of our life than anyone else. And so her impact on me is greater. And so if she has a lot of unresolved stuff, it'll just get transferred.

43:43Again, not because of anything wrong with mum, it's to do with the mechanism of being human. It's what humans do, between adults and children. It's how things are transferred. And so you need to just look at it without making anything wrong, your parents are wrong, your self wrong,

44:05and just see, well, where's it coming from? Sometimes you can get it really easily. And sometimes it takes a few goes. And sometimes you can only get a piece of it at one time.

44:19And then you've got to come back later and you can get another piece. It depends on the issue. Some issues I can just pop in one go. Other issues I may need four or five or six bytes of it before I can release the issue.

44:35And it's not as if I can suddenly do five bytes in five days. I may take a piece and resolve a piece. I may need to wait several weeks before the next piece is readily available for me to be able to resolve. It's like working your way down through sedimentary deposits, all the layers of the onion.

44:58You're working your way through it. And some layers are easy to access, other layers are more difficult. You could also ask a friend, you know, what do you think about this? And sometimes they have another perspective and they can help or come and see a professional.

45:15This is what I've been doing for the last forty-one years. People come and they talk about their patterns and where they come from and what's going on. And once I can help them, I identify it, it then goes a long way towards resolving it. So the emotional resolution is a big deal.

45:35But in the meantime, until I'm able to resolve my emotions, I've got to keep my energy high, my vitality high. So I don't get stuck in the emotions. This is where it's important to work on you at what I call your emotional well-being. And so I need to have habits in my life that are keeping my energy high.

45:56And things like exercise, swimming, singing, dancing, but it could be painting, journaling, massage, going and having therapy. It could be sounding, screaming. There's a whole lot of things going, camping, bushwalking. So you've got a whole lot of things that you can put into your everyday life.

46:20But the key here is that it has to be done regularly. So it becomes a habit and a lifestyle. So getting into exercise and a regular basis, go for it. Or have a friend and go for a power walk.

46:35Do it within the context of what you're able to achieve easily. It's got to be a reason easy. And if it can be easy and fun, fantastic. But it has to become a habit.

46:47Because if it doesn't become a habit, at the time you need to be moving your emotions, your time you need to be resolving this heavy upset that's occurring. There's no way you go and exercise or swim or go into singing lessons or dancing. Because you just won't feel like it. But if you've been doing it all the time, it's happening automatically.

47:11You've got it set up in your life that I go to dance classes a couple of times of week. And this is when I do it. You just do it. I go to the gym Mondays and Fridays.

47:24I don't care how tired and exhausted I am. I turn up and I do an hour. And this morning, you know, I had the coach really push this through a lot of stuff. There's no way I would have done that.

47:38And what it does is it keeps me reasonably okay. It's almost like a safety net. So my emotions don't go down too far. I don't get too gross.

47:50I have commitments with people to turn up and produce and have things done on time. They're really commitments to push me through my personal barriers so that I can keep moving forward all the time. And as a consequence, life's working. Things are happening.

48:11Everything's going okay. But I need to keep moving up against these limitations. And so my emotional wellbeing is a big deal. But there's been two significant things through my life that have really made a massive difference

48:29in me being able to stay emotionally clear. And the first one has been therapeutic bathing jumping in the bath and having a regular bath. There was a time in my life when I was feeling really pressured and quite sad and life was very hard. And I would say these baths literally saved me.

48:59And it's something that I did for about two years and I was doing it three or four times a week. And I'd jump in the bath and have a bath. Usually, I've been evening before I went to sleep. I'd be in the bath these 30-40 minutes.

49:16Get out, cool down, takes another 10-15 minutes. And then I wouldn't go straight to sleep. I'd wait till my core body temperature got back to normal. And then I could go and have a sleep.

49:30So jumping in the bath is a big deal. The problem is a lot of people don't have baths. And so that does become an issue. But if you do have a bath, think of your bath as a major therapeutic tool.

49:47And I would recommend you have at least two baths a week in the evenings. And forget about the cost of heating the water. And that's nothing compared to you needing therapy, getting sick, having a girl medication, having a marriage break up, going bankrupt, things like that. It's nothing.

50:07And this is you caring for yourself. Baths are amazing. Amazing. And the second thing that's really made a difference for me, keeping my emotions and staying on top of everything, is friends.

50:29Gotta have friends. Friends are a big deal. You need people around you who care for you. Yes, if you're a parent, you've got your kids, that's great.

50:39You have your partner, that's great. But you also, I believe, need to have people who are your friends. How you relate to as a peer. And you can just go and have fun with.

50:52Sometimes you need to have fun with someone who's a friend. Because just building up stress in an intimate day-to-day relationship. It's great to have your kids and spend a lot of time with them. But it's not the same as having a friend and taking care of you.

51:09And people say, well, I don't have any time for friends. I don't have friends. But no, you have to make a decision that I'm going to develop a friendship. Or I'm going to find a circle of friends that I can be part of.

51:27You need to make a decision. You need to say you want it. And then you need to stay open to it. The reason why there aren't friends in your life is because there's something in you blocking it.

51:45One is, yes, I'd like a friend, but it's all too hard. Yes, I want a friend, but I don't have enough time. Yes, I want a friend, but I'm too old. Yes, I have a friend, but why would anyone want to be friends with me?

51:57I've got nothing to offer. Yes, I want to be a friend, but they work where me out. No, I want to have a friend because it's going to be good for them. It's going to be good for me.

52:12I'm not going to burn my friends out by having to be with them, seeing them all the time. But if I begin to develop a circle of friends, I can spend an occasion every couple of weeks with one person with someone else. Or I can join a club, play tennis, go and play cards, do bridge, learn how to sing. Get involved in pottery, learn how to do things, go surfing.

52:39Friends cannot be underestimated. It's so ordinary, it's so obvious it gets forgotten. Kids have got it worked out. Kids make friends easily.

52:53Kids really have a high energy level, and they're not usually walking around feeling morose and down. It's something that they begin to learn later in life. Maybe some teenagers get into it. But friends are the best thing you can have to stay emotionally, well-balanced and happy.

53:16Your emotions are a big deal, and for me, they've been my biggest challenge in life. But if you just keep going for it, it'll work out. You can do it. You can get through all of this. And all of this can be resolved.

53:33It's really just a focused effort over a period of time. And life just presents itself as some blessing in the joy. And so just in conclusion, I would like to thank Ray D'On, Sokoloff for Marketing Production and Web Design and Aaron McFarland

53:56for camera sound lights and post-production. And to remind you, very three are those. Now, anything going on is the mind. Bring yourself back into present time awareness.

54:22You're here, you're in this moment. It's all okay. It's all going to be okay. Everything works itself out. And blessing in the joy to everyone.

54:35Thank you for watching.