My first sexual experience occurred when I was 20 years old. I met Veronica (not her real name) at a party and asked her for a date. The following week we went to the movies. At that time we only kissed and cuddled in the front seat of my car on a cliff over-looking the beach. The next week I took Veronica to dinner and later we went back to her flat. Her girlfriend was away for the weekend and we had the place to ourselves. I was nervous, this was my first time, she was a nurse from New Zealand working in one of the local hospitals and, so she told me, had already had a lot of boyfriends. She seemed so sophisticated.
After arriving back at Veronica’s flat we had a drink and kissed on the couch then went to her bed- room. I lost my load almost immediately. A few minutes later I was ready to go again and able to keep it up for a respectable time. She said she liked it and it was great. I was dissappointed it was not the ecstatic mind blowing experience I had dreamed about. It was very ordinary, sweaty and messy.
For many years after this sex was OK but not what I would rave about. I experienced a tremendous longing for it, would go to extraordinary lengths to have sex and almost always find it an anti-climax. It was not what I would call healing, but rather a testosterone induced urge followed by an indifferent withdrawal.
In those days I had not recognised the importance of the energy flow within my body, and between myself and my partner; that sex could be more than just a physical experience. Also that sex can occur on four levels, of which physical sex was just one of them.
- The ultimate purpose of sex is union, two people coming together to become, for a time, one.
- This union occurs on a physical level when two bodies are in physical contact with each other.
- On an emotional level when there is genuine caring, affection or love.
- Mentally when, both of you have your thoughts focused on the same outcome.
After the physical, emotional and mental connections have occurred then spiritual union can take place. It is a merging with another person that can only be described as bliss. The barriers of personality dissolve and a connection is made which is egoless. There is no more you and I their is only us.
This is the most profound healing that can occur. It is the experience that usually only people in love and the mystics achieve.
Sex presents one of the greatest challenges and also one of the greatest blessings that a person can know. It is one of the most intimate things you can do with another person and consequently one of the most threatening. Whatever you feel insecure about sooner or later will occur in your sexuality.
If you stay open and aware of the experiences that sex brings, you can heal the unconscious shadow side of your personality. It is as powerful as any form of therapy. Unfortunately most people become lost in the content of the experience and either deny it or project it onto their partner. It requires, at least intitially, expert guidance from a professional therapist to support them through this stage. Most people can’t recognise their own blind spots and need an outside party to help identify them.
Once two basic conditions are met, sex can be healing.
- Both parties want to have sex and are enjoying it.
- Sex has not become compulsive and is being used as a substitute for feeling unhappy. Almost like having a drink to feel good when you are not.
The healing benefits from sex are many:
- Relaxation – a healthy way to release tension without drugs or medication.
- Intimacy – a wonderful way to know your partner and continue to build your relationship
- Pleasure – it has to be one of the most pleasurable experiences you can have.
- Sensuality/touch – feeling your body and your partners body stimulates the release of endorphins from the brain which are necessary for good health.
- Feeling young – A symptom of old age is the loss of energy and vitality. Becoming sexually aroused is one of the fastest ways to increase the energy in your body. If you are able to practise tantric sex then it has an even more powerful youthing function. (See suggested reading at the end of this article).
- Caring/sharing – what better way to spend time with your partner than in their loving embrace.
- Emotional release – it is a way to release pent-up emotions. Anger, sadness and fear can be transformed by the passion of love making.
Sex is life’s gift to humanity, it is one of the most beautiful, loving experiences two people can share.
Two good books to read are “The Art of Sexual Intimacy” by Margo Anand and “Cultivating Male Sexual Energy” for men or “Cultivating Female Sexual Energy” for women, both by Mantak Chia.